I am not feeling any good. :(

A glance

I cannot express the feeling I am feeling now in words again. It is just too complicated. I managed to ignore this once. But to feel it the second time...it is just too painful to endure. How on Earth will this end again? I am too attached, overly attached to this.

Wavelength not the same

These few days i felt different. I felt like I was someone else. Not the cheerful mumu, not the gay mumu, not the happy go lucky mumu, not the everything mumu. I found myself as a very serious someone. It was very different. I realised it today and I am definitely going to find the everything mumu back.

I cant even joke properly,
I cant even speak properly,
I cant even organize my speech properly,
I cant even laugh properly,
I cant even sleep properly,
Ultimately, I am not mumu.

I guess, I am somehow, somewhat controlled by someone. My emotions have been fluctuating lately. I get sad in the middle of happy moments with friends. Something is really going wrong. I am not sure whether it is because of 'that'. 'That' is something I would never want. I can feel it and because of that, I am letting you go. I will move on. Second best is all I will be.
and, there will be...
No more mistakes...
Cause in every eye I like to stay.

Looking into your eyes, and I am burst in joy. I like you.


Only.

Mumu

I am listening to 'If No One Will Listen' again. I normally listen to this song whenever I feel something is wrong with my three juniors. I wish I could tell them but I guess its useless. I may need some break from them and let them settle it by themselves.

I came to Taylor's for some refreshments, Not to occupy myself with problems to think of. I was hoping that they will understand this. I am not there to hear shouting, I am not there to get annoyed and I am not there to get worried. :(

...The fact that I always smile might cover this...

Mumu

Latest Mumu

Latest Mumu :D
With misai though.
Hahahahaha :D

Starts With Goodbye

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And you wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without you,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,

Murata

Tiffy

If no one will listen if you decide to speak,
If no one is left, after the bomb explodes,
If no one wants to look at you, for what you really are...
I will be here still.

Last time, I had dinner with Tiffy. Tiffy knows I like this song. Knowing that I was overwhelmed by tremendous stress, she said she dedicated this song to me. :) Eventhough she doesn't like this song, but still, she dedicated this song to me. Anyway, this is what I interpreted :D

If no one will listen if you decide to speak,
I decided to speak so many times last week, but it was just so hard to reach them. The fact that I had difficulty speaking and expressing something, I decided to speak to Tiffy. I think she understands me better because practically, we share a lot of things together. :) She listened to every words I had spoken to her that day. It is nice to know someone like me because I am able to talk almost everything with her. Well, not all. I have to have limits because we are different in gender. I think she agrees with this :)

If no one is left, standing after the bomb explodes,
No one is left, after the explosions. I exploded many times last week. Mainly to my peers. They just don't understand how stress I was. The moment I saw they laughed when we were having serious conversations, that was the time they activated the timer bombs. How funny it is, more talk but less work. I feel like laughing sarcastically now. I exploded, but then, it was useless. Yesterday, the same thing happened again. I don't want to spend my time handling this again. Let them be whatever they like :) Tiffy was there for the whole week. She stood for me, and still standing now, I guess. Or maybe she is tired and sitting now :D hahaha. Thanks Tiffy.

If no one wants to look at you for what you really are, I will be here still
:D She is here for me. I am what I am and I am who I am. Actually, when she told me this, I felt so touched, but I didn't let her see me like that. Inside, I was so happy. Eventhough, almost all the time we are like monsters fighting, she can still says nice things. I am touched Tiffy. You have touched me :D Wahahaha.

If you read this, don't bloom so much ya :D I really need to write this down because if I tell you this in person, I don't know what might happen. Hahaha.

Thanks and hugs to you Tiffy :D

Mumu